On

April 19th, 2012 

It’s sunny and lovely in Boston and I feel relatively attractive and awake and these are all good things.  

If you know me well, you know I personally celebrate April 21st as a HappyLifeGoMe! Day. I’m sure if you wanted the full story  you could ask me nicely and I’d happily tell you (though if you ask me around other people I can assure you I won’t).  

But I do also recognized the 19th.  It’s kind of like my Good Friday and the 21st my Easter - not the best metaphor - the death of Christ probably should merit more attention than adolescent pain - but, oh well…

Basically the 19th was the last day I ever self-harmed (now you don’t even need to ask me in person - aren’t you lucky!).  It’s been 5 years and I am ever so pleased with myself, though I understand if other people can’t relate to this kind of life-marker.  But it turns out I’m a bit of a narcissist and I believe I have to be one at least a little to overcome some old insecurities.  

I have this old box of stuff I might go through tonight, from that scary time in my life.  I usually look at it once a year.  I know I opened it over Christmas though (actually to get some writing material) and it feels kind of soon to look at it again.  I’ll see, I guess - but it wouldn’t it be better if I had better things to do?  

It’s just so strange.  I remember 5 years ago so clearly, but it’s like remembering a character in a book.  I feel that pain like I feel my favorite hero’s sorrow … but it doesn’t feel so glued to my skin anymore.  At least not as often.  

I am just so grateful for all the wonderful people and incredible opportunities in my life.  I know I don’t exude this kind of optimism daily, but I like to think it’s part of my character right now.  

So I apologize for how personal this is, but it feels good to write.  

Love.